Warning: This post is NOT for the faint of heart.
Clutter has gone controversal, and satirical. Recyling has gotten out of control.
Not too long ago, the Onion published a very, very naughty satirical article 
about an Illinois couple who became overcome with modern life, children, junk mail, unsolicited catalogs, Home Depot receipts, unread issues of O, The Oprah Magazine and medical bills.
If you didn't know, The Onion is a parody newspaper published weekly in print and online, daily. Wikipedia has a long list of published articles that went overboard. This one is no exception.
Do not read this article if you are easily offended!
We thought we'd seen it all.
So overcome with clutter and married life, 37-year old Nathan Moscone and his Sofia Klein-Moscone of Elmhurst, Illinois have given in to clutter, and modern life. The couple used to have wild times in their bondage room, (we're not getting into all that, come on now.) but when their daughter was born, their sexual toys were moved from the spare bedroom and placed into the main living area.
In the 11 months since their daughter was born, their sexual toys have become unique containers for their junk:
"Klein-Moscone, 33, said that she had considered simply throwing out the junk mail, but balked after the last time, when she accidentally discarded an important medical bill that had been placed in the butterfly [edited by John for content]-swing.
"I swear I'll get to sorting out that mail soon," said Klein-Moscone, who less than two years ago would strap herself into the butterfly [edited by John for content]- swing at her husband's slightest suggestion, but now only interacts with the sex apparatus when rummaging through it for a Home Depot receipt."
Both insanely tired, (Sofia dabbles in Advanced Pilate's and volunteers at church-- Nathan works long hours and does yard work), they've each made separate commitments to finally clear the clutter, and regain their love life. The article claims this must happen to every married couple.
"Last Thursday, Nathan and I wanted to take his [edited by John for content] prison out of the shed to have a little bit of fun before Dateline," said Klein-Moscone, referring to a rubber locking male-chastity device. "But, my God, was that shed a mess—we ended up just sorting junk.
At least I found our favorite ball gag, which I'm going to hang in the garage so I know how far to pull the minivan in."
Thanks goes to Kristine Oller of Personalized Organization for mailing us a copy of this article!
- Read (careful, now) the Onion's satirical article
Related Posts:
- No sex please -- we're organizing.
If you've enjoyed this post, press the digg this link at the bottom of this post. Or you can click here. It's easy. And it only takes two seconds to set up an account
